Friday, September 5, 2008

wearing it on my sleeve

Ever come to the point where you and your husband are like two ships passing in the dark?
Today was one of those days where the cracks that where spreading without notice came to a head and shattered the glass. It was something that we never realized but was slowly happening over time. We had to sit back and take stock of where we were and what our lives had come too. Do not worry, we duked it out and are regrouping. Making new plans and restaking our ground.
It is as if we barely knew each other any more because we were putting all our energy into the kids and our oodles of projects. It's not that we never talked or anything, it was just a bunch of little cracks we hadn't paid attention to.
I feel like we are starting all over again but on different levels. We had grown apart and hardly even noticed. It is really weird and hard to explain but we knew we were both annoyed and irritated with things. 
Me picking apart his drive and ambition and him picking apart my desire and promises to keep the house clean and meals on the table.
We had been failing each other and letting the resentment build.
Getting it all out was hard and emotional and exhausting yet freeing and now the rebuilding starts.
How we got here is so silly. If we only took the time to address issues when they happened instead of letting them fester we could avoid the tones in the voice the snaps over nothing and just move on.
We are so petty sometimes.
But working it out is always worth it.
I guess that is why it hurts so bad when it happens. It wouldn't hurt if we didn't love so much.
Love hurts.

Love heals.


bethany actually said...

Oh, babe, I am sorry to hear about the shattering glass. I am glad you guys are hashing it out and I hope it makes things better. I'll keep you in my prayers!

That photo of you and Kaitlyn is adorable and boy does she look like you. :-)

Angela Fehr said...

Small children can be hard on a marriage - they take so much energy! I know we've recently been doing some regrouping ourselves for the same reason. You do start losing sight of the individual you married and start focusing on whether or not they are fitting their "role".

I find it hard to make time for just sitting with my husband. There is so much that needs to be done for both of us - and we end up watching the news at 10, completely exhausted with no energy to put into the relationship!

So I get ya - and I'm glad you're back on the upward swing of the cycle!

Stacie said...

what a beautiful post from a beautiful woman.

I wish you nothing but the best in reconnecting with your husband!

Your in my thoughts!

Anonymous said...

so hard, so relieving, and it happens! it's life, and it gets messy and shattery. so glad you're ready to rebuild :). and the pics are great, love those red shoes w/the coat! hugs to you, and may the building be cozy and just what you both need.

The Peytons said...

What a great post to remind us each to take precious care of our most important relationships. Thank you for that! Thankfully, times like these are repairable and sometimes even good for our relationships.

Love the little black dress, a fabulous fashion for this type of post.

You're fabulous!

Kori said...

there is much I want to say but won't, other than to say you are beautiful insude AND out. And I covet your yellow shoes.

nicole said...

Kids, I think are the hardest part of marriage. Good for you for realizing where you are and what needs to be changed. It's nice to have a God who cares in times like these.
Your fashion posts are funny because we don't dress alike at all!! I love your ever ending supply of footwear!

cc said...

ditto to what everyone else said.

and a wolf whistle.

Elaine A. said...

Ok, first let me say - WOWZA! You are one hot momma pullin' off those yellow heals!!

Now let me say... God bless you for realizing this now and having the strength and wisdom to conquer it. You and your hubs will be just fine. Sounds like a date night (or a few) is in order!

Kristen said...

I agree with Elaine! Call a sitter and go out for a couple of dates. Sitting across from each other sharing a bottle of wine does a ton for "getting to know" your hubby again after having the kids.

And so hard to pick which outfit I love the most. The yellow heels....ROCK!! But I think my favorite is the red heels and red jacket! Have that on the next time he comes home! :)