Friday, October 23, 2009

Just cause it's here

I realize it has been oh, ages since I last posted. Not that I haven't wanted too. I do!! I have a ton to get out and a ton of photos. Fall, winter then fall again, a trip, a reno and a few other things.
However time is not on my side and sleep is needed so it has been winning!
I was going to upload the pictures from the last three weeks off my camera and thought I would get a few on here before I did that.

So here are a few shots found in an archived post from weeks ago when it was still nice.
And I will save saying anything of any relevance for a later date. I am crunching this out in a squeak of a spare moment and need to get back to what I working on here!

I also have two monkeys climbing on me making this rather impossible and another little once gazing up at me with big eyes and a mouth full of fist!


Friday, October 9, 2009

Getting on track and on a side note, it is SNOWING!

As you may have noticed I took a break.
After writing the last post I sat back and read what I wrote and realized that I needed to make some changes around home. That and sitting reading your emails and comments, I had a lot of thinking to do.

But anyway .... first and foremost I want to thank all of you who commented and wrote me in e-mails.
Thank you for your support and also for the few kicks in the butt that I needed.
I cried and laughed and felt many virtual hugs, and connections so thank you from the bottom of my heart. Sharing and hearing what you had to say did amazing things for me.
You touch my heart!
Having this blog work both directions is something I never could have imagined just a few years ago. Sometimes I think I am loosing it and then you guys all together make things somehow seem clearer. I love the perspectives and well, you are awesome!
I really, really want to e-mail you all back and write personal letter and share my heart but at the same time I am really focusing on my home. The whole home, including the people.

I still have yet to write my thank you cards for the gifts we received for Hudson. Someday.

However I want to tell you that I have embarked on a journey and am struggling to keep on track. Maybe after 28 days it will feel like a habit but I kind of doubt it.

So this last week and a bit has been a time that I have thought and read and prayed and played and cleaned and sorted and prayed some more and then realized that I needed to clean again.
I am still no good there!

Why does this come so hard to me?!

Dave packed all my canvases and paints away in the furnace room so I wouldn't be so tempted to walk over, plop on the floor and paint whenever I get an idea. I do feel rather itchy and a little nerve tweakish though, my body and brain ache for the smell of fresh canvas and stinky paints and my fingers twitch for a brush.
I know I am weird, this is just my thing, ok.
Now I am rewarding myself with time to paint when I am done what I need to do. The house will not be perfect but things that need to be done will be done.

So Dave and I have been talking and cleaning and trying to get some order around here. We have purged and hid boxes of kids stuff out of sight.
We are working towards our day to day life being simpler and less cluttered so our minds can be too.
I know some of you say I am too hard on myself and I know sometimes I am, you are right, but you know sometime we need to reevaluate and we need to refocus and sometimes we have our priorities out of line. We need to get hard on ourselves for changes to happen.
I am going to give up custom orders after the ones I have sitting here are done and maybe after Christmas pick up again.
I want to do some experimenting and exploring of my ideas. I want to sew. I need a little more freedom and a little less stress. I don't want the nagging pressure in the back of my head of jobs committed to and not completed. I love the work but need a break.
I want just to do what I want when I feel like it rather than it be a job.
So if you have an order in, don't worry, it is coming!
If you don't, well, please wait until after Christmas. Sorry, I need the next few months.

Sleep helps too.
Really, really helps.

Dave has also helped me see that I play around too much. Not just with the kids but I putz. I don't know how but I don't get stuff done and then Dave comes home and the dishes are piled high, the toys are everywhere and the laundry is stinking up the washer. What the heck did I do all day?!

I know I clothed the kids, brushed hair on a good day, read them books, made meals and changed a gazillion diapers, wiped a few bigger bums, went for a walk and broke up a fight over coloured plates, nursed and bathed and checked my e-mail. Maybe did a little text messaging but really didn't do much else.

Hmmmm, that actually sounds like a halfway busy day. Somehow in the thick of it the time just disappears and then Dave is home and rather than plunking on the floor to wrestle and giggle with the kids he has to do dishes so we can eat, do the laundry so we have clothes to wear and then next thing you know it is bedtime and there is no room on the floor to read books with the kids so he picks up stuff while the kids fall asleep on the couch waiting.
This blows!
(whew, that was also long winded)

If I can just somehow get a schedule nailed down I want to. I want our home to be halfway decent for Dave when he comes home. I want him to be able to relax and play with the kids every night. I want him to have down time!

We did well for a few days but then it came to a head again last night.
Today was better again. Maybe it helped that we spent half the day out with Mrs. Wilson and Kami and the other half in a Bible study class and shopping but we did make efforts here too.

I realize it is small changes that need to be implemented.
Structure is my weakness.
Just a little goes a long way. I am embracing this. Getting up at the same time. Doing the same routine as we get ready for the day.
Working towards daily flips of laundry and loads of dishes.
All meals at the table, well, ok, we will still have picnics around the house but we are going to aim for picnics at the table. Not sure how I will trick them into this one. But at least I will work on keeping the table clean so they can happen.

I am not giving up time with the kids. I do know how important this is but it cannot be all that I do all day long. They do play together and I can get off my duff and do stuff rather than sit there and watch them while I sit rummaging through the thoughts in my head.
I can very well do the rummaging while I do laundry.

Anyway, I am reading a few books, mainly my Bible every day and challenging my self to some personal changes.

I know we will be fine. We'd survive anyway but I really want balance and I am finally seeing the light and feeling within my grasp.

Now off for that much needed sleep so WE CAN DO THIS!!!


Thanks again guys!