Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Balancing on a string

Sometimes I wonder how you all do it. Stay sane, keep a happy spouse, a nice house and good kids, do your own thing and feel like you are not getting lost in the mix. When I do something for myself I feel like everything else is getting pushed aside and not getting done. 
Laundry, dishes, floors mopped, husband getting some loving and kids getting crafts made.

Seriously this balance thing is really perplexing me.
Something always gives and lately it has been the relationship between Dave and I.
We bicker over the recycling.
Snap over flyer's getting put in the right piles.
Argue about underwear getting laundered.
Squabble about when and where to do 'it' when it finally happens. (Sorry parents)
What is wrong with us?!
There is a tone in the voice even though there is no need and next thing you know we are fighting over how we talk to each other.
Dumb and silly useless stuff!
It seems that we vent on each other this way. 
When we do spend the right amount of time focusing on us we are fine.
Not annoyed.
Not irritated.
Not snappy.
But then something else gives.
Laundry, dishes, art, floors....etc. Then the irritation is back again.

This is my battle. I have this beautiful picture in my head of how things could be perfect. Maybe in our next house I can work out the organization and lists and make things function.
Maybe all my craftiness and mess that comes with it is what is causing the stress. We fight over that. Dave hates mess. Hates clutter. 
I am a clutter bug and hoarder. By nature.
However I am also a simplistic desiring purger by nature as well. I stifle that side of me. That side of me is anxious. I am such a mix of both my parents. I can see both sides of the whole shebang and this just  makes me crazy in my head.

Anyway, I am going to work on a list of getting things on track so that I can start feeling more balanced. This perplexes me a little. I don't even know where to start.

I'll let you  know how it turns out.

Meanwhile lets get back to life.
My daily grind.

Kaitlyn is my little helper. She is all about the kitchen prep and helps with almost every meal.
She also shares my love for flowers and gardening.
Ethan shares my crazy hair wispies.
They also share my love for street vendor hot dogs. (Ethan's cheek is full of one in the photo above)
However neither of them love pickled carrots like I do. Mmmm, this is one of my favorite things about the farmers market. Yummy homemade stuff that I didn't have to make.
'Fallow's' for you mommy. 
And now the little princess as a sailor. We found this outfit in a drawer while visiting at my parents place. It was Uncle Dan's (He graduated grade 12 today)
and he wore it daily for at least 3 years. After growing out of the top, he wore the hat with every thing till he was at least 4. He used to tell us that when he was big he used to drive a ship amongst a load of other jobs.
Eth man.
Chilling in the yard with Auntie Em.

The days have been so beautiful we are rarely indoors. This does help the mess situation somewhat, but then again the other chores get ignored too. Sheesh, maybe it is a self discipline thing that I am lacking.
I do love my man though despite our bickers. It is not like we are screaming or anything. It is more of an annoyance thing. When I manage the house properly we are smooth sailing.
When I don't,  we are off.

I read so many happy lovey posts out there in blog land.

 Are you all really that in love and perfect all the time?
I am envious.
Sometimes we don't want to look at each other. Sometimes we can hardly wait to see each other.
We are all over the map.
However despite our persnicketies we are both in love with the kids all the time and even though we may get mad at each other we see through it when it involves them.
That in love head over heals feeling that we had in the beginning....8 years ago... is a comfortable deeper love now. 
I guess this is why the hurt is deeper too though.
Anyway there I go getting all off topic again. 
Back to the daily stuff again.
Ethan has inherited Dave's G.I. joe's and the love for them as well.
And with the hot weather the beach has been calling. No not our new place, though we do get possession in a week, yaahoooo!
We hit the beach across the lake from our place to be this past week.
The water was a little cold still and it was windy so we just played in the sand and hung out on the play structure.
Lazy summer days are being soaked in as the house stuff gets pushed to the back burner.
I know that time with the kids is more important than chores but I also know that striking a balance so that we are all happily functioning is important too.

Back again to the week.
I wanted to get a quick and nice photo of my family.
Ethan ignores me though and Dave makes a squinty cheese.
Kaitlyn thinks I want a princess twirl so the "hey everyone smile nice" gets a little twist.
Family portraits should be interesting this year.

I do love them though, so much. 
Now my man is calling me to hang out with him and the kids are in bed, I better gobble down my toast before the moment passes. 
Working on this balance thing is exhausting!


Anonymous said...

something's always out of balance, it's not just you ... you're just being delightfully honest so thanks! i don't have any answers, just sympathy and a hug! and thanks so much for the magnets, they're great!!! a talent for craftiness covers a multitude of clutter ... in my book :)

SAJ said...

You may not get everything done but you sure do a lot more than most people. Just look at your photos, you are a make-it-happen machine!!!!

Kori said...

If being sane is a preresquisite, I think we are all screwed. I don't have a husband, my house is never clean, and with four kids I often feel like I am losing it. I gave up on the idea of keeping myself long ago, because I don't think it is possible.

Kami said...

We are not blissfully happy all the time, oh no. But I rarely blog about it because I don't want to write hurtful things that Jay will read not to mention our parents. Balance is tricky but for us the successful method is team work. Sometimes one of us is the main player other times it's the other but we get it done because we work together.

Plus we hardly ever make crafts around here :-)

You will figure it out, don't worry and by then the kids will be moving out! HA!

Love you!

Stacie said...

perfection is my middle name, didn't cha know? lol

Usually in the summer my household chores do slack, but I would rather be outside than indoors cleaning. It is picked up inside, but not nearly as clean as I would like it to be.

mamatucci said...

I am in relationship turmoil right now as I write. Thank you for the candid post. I felt like you were speaking to me. I guess we all haves our days.. weeks.. months.....

Hannah said...

Every married couple has moments like this, you are not alone! I personally choose not to focus on them (they never last long here) and like Kami says, I wouldn't feel comfortable blogging about it (too personal).
I think the big thing is quality time together - if you get that, I think other things fall into place. It's hard to make that time though. Communication is huge, do you get time to just sit down together and talk? It's hard for Rob to open up and talk freely, but the more he "practices" the better he gets, and he ALWAYS says it makes him feel better after. I have to literally pull the words out of him at first, but then we end up having a great talk.
Date nights ... have them frequently. Talk more. Have fun together. And remember, this too will pass.

P.S. I have to say how much I love your summer dress in that pic of you & Dave! So cute!

nicole said...

Ok, balance. Nice try. If you can figure it out then you can write a book and make millions of dollars, outsource your cooking, cleaning and whatever else and then you will have oodles of time for Dave, crafting, kids, gardens and art. In the meantime I suggest you enjoy the moments. Not all yours years will be as hectic and someday your kids will be able to do things without your help. I constantly worry about balance and I can not find it...the priorities change day to day and week to week. I do find though if I can find time for me and time for God then all the other things "work" better...live flows more smoothly. Hang in there. Oh and it helps to remember that blogs are only a momentary glimpse into one's life, like highlights on ESPN. No one has a perfect and balanced life...even if their blog seemd like it.

Little Mommy said...

Hi Anna,

It may appear that everyone else has it all together but it is not true. I have thought this myself sometimes too. But what looks good on the outside is not always so great on the inside. People often put on masks and I am quilty of this myself sometimes. I have even wrote blogs similar to the one you just wrote but have not posted it because I don't want people to know that I am not perfect.

Balance is a tricky thing. And priorities do change all the time. I am a neat freak and I have put a tidy house before my children and husband plenty of times and that is not good.

I know all about the bickering thing. I know it all too well in the last year or so. My husband and I have had a pretty rough time in our relationship lately. Dates are really great. Make time for them regularly. Get someone to watch the kids and go out for coffee and just talk. We do it once a week now and it has done wonders.

Just remember you don't have to be perfect. Just do what you can and just be you.

Love Ya lots. See you tomorrow.

Amy.E said...

There is evidently much imbalance in blogland, so you are among friends. I don't even have kids yet--just animals and yard and a job--and still my house is messy, my toes aren't painted, projects not done, and the bathrooms...well they haven't been cleaned in awhile. AWHILE! My hubby is far away so I don't even have that to add to the mix of reasons that everything is behind. I guess we just do the best we can and enjoy all the accidentally great moments that we run across while carrying on--the same way our Moms always did.

Elaine A. said...

Oh girl, we are all fighting the same battle. And I just want to say thanks for keepin' in real. It's not all wine and roses at our place either, trust me! ; ) Although there can be a lot of wine at times... HA! HA!

Anway, you are doing a great job! Trust me, I can see it in your posts.

P.S. I got my little birdie charm and it's so cute - thank you so much! I am blogging about it now...


BeachMama said...

Can I admit out there that we too have the sometimes bickering thing going on. And I think it comes from the fact that one of us talks to kids all day and therefore keeps the same tone with the adult when he gets home. And the other goes off to work and stimulates his mind talking to other adults having two full bus rides to read or just think. So this is the time in our lives when things aren't always in balance, but as long as we meet in the middle more often than not, all is good. And the housework, I am slowly not making it a priority anymore, the kids need me more.

Kristen said...

Balance is hard, and it is not you.

Something always has to give. Like right now, my floors need mopped. BAD. But, hey, a little dirt never hurt our feet and I will get to it later.

Thanks for the honest post, and all of the great pictures. I just love that first one and the "Balance" shown in that one is awesome!


Family Adventure said...

I think we all struggle with balance every now and then. And it's always something different that has to give. Sometimes it's the man, other times it's patience with the kids, or work, or cleaning.

Wouldn't it be nice if we weren't so hard on ourselves? I think that would make this balance thing a whole lot easier to...well...balance :)

Happy weekend,


beck said...

No we are NOT all happy and lovely all the time. No way. Not at all. I know exactly what you're talking about and I think you've got a much better grip on balance than I do!