Friday, July 24, 2009

Head stuff

I don't know where to start this. I have so much on my mind it hurts. Not only that but I have so many pictures...over 800 from the weekend it hurts to think about editing and getting some posted with all the stories. Oh ya, I have to tell you about the deer and the town and the storm and visits with family and, and, and oh, there is just so much and so little time! I need a lot of coffee and no sleep to get that all out!

Next time!

And then there is the art work. It is WORK!
This is why I haven't been on here this week. I am swamped in getting orders out.
I am at the point where I wonder why I am doing this.
Why do I always have to say yes?
I did pray for this so why do I feel so overwhelmed when I have prayers answered in such massive ways?
It is not that I am not enjoying it, I am!
I love it!
But I am also frustrated with my supplier and the wait on a certain size of canvas. This is messing up my whole schedule and now I am painting orders out of order. Make sense. If it doesn't I completely understand. I don't understand myself most of the time.

You see I think I might be painting too much lately. When I am not working on custom orders I am plugging away at little side projects and I think my brain is going a little crazy.

I have always admired really wacky artists and wondered how the heck they got so wacky and how the heck they came up with weird and wild stuff they do. They have such interesting thoughts and a completely wild perspective.

I think I am figuring it out though.
All you have to do is paint, paint, paint, (draw, create, make music, whatever...) drink coffee and don't get enough sleep.
Get into your right brain so far that nothing normal makes sense anymore. What is normal anyway?!
Your brain can take you to some pretty wacky and wild places if you just let it go.
My point is that it seems that the more I paint the more accepting and yet strange I find my thoughts become. Not necessarily radical, but out there.

My ideas are growing and exploding. I just want to create, sew, paint, doodle, and write non stop. I think creativity breeds creativity and the more you create the more creative you get and then the creative stuff gets more creatively creative!

Hmmm, not making sense again.
I cannot even get out what is stirring in my brain right now.

I am frustrated today. Frustrated with the house, and the stuff I have to do. Frustrated with duties and chores. I just want to play with the kids and create.
I am frustrated that we are not out at the lake sitting on the beach or by the pool. Being in the city makes me feel stuffy, in a need to purge kind of way. I have this urge to run and jump off a pier and do a massive cannon ball! Or run through a field, though I don't know why because I tried this once and it was rather scratchy and not at all romantic in the slightest!

Hmm, wait a minute, lets see, where was I....
Oh ya, so the art in my head thing. I was saying that the more I paint the weirder my thoughts are. I really do understand how people come up with strange figures emerging from flowers that are dripping with colorful glistening goo and glowing in a red ember sun. This kind of stuff just comes when you are so immersed.

I have wondered how some artists just live in their gardens, grow their hair really long and don't keep up with any sort of pop culture or news and just create the wildest stuff.
I get it. Not that I am letting myself do this right now, I have kids and I do LOVE to shop, well used to anyway. It's just that I finally get it. It is getting into your head and exploring what you are made of. It is coming to terms with and embracing yourself from the inside and not caring or letting anything or anyone distract or sway you.

Maybe someday when I am old I will be that wacky artist that lives in a tree house with long flowing grey hair, doesn't wear a bra (oh I want to not wear a bra so bad right now but that just wont fly!)and wild colored ponchos, drives an old rusty beatle and lives on a love for nature and people and all that God has created in the most raw form. But for now I will bridal that idea and try to focus on what is going on now in life.

Funny thing is I can also see myself as an old lady that has the perfect little straightened bob and pleated tennis skirt and a mercedes convertible and the perfect contemporary clean lined house.

It all depends on what I let escape and how much. It all depends on how much of that creative side I explore and how much Dave wants to live with. He and the kids are totally a part of how far I go.
I know that those of you that really love me and don't judge will love me no matter what. I love you already for the very reason that you are like this!

I am realizing that no matter what I do and how we live the most important thing is to be passionate. Passion drives us to be the best that we can at whatever we tackle.
I will focus on our life now. I would love to throw myself into art all the time but this week has shown me what happens when I do. I get a little wacky in the head!
Though I believe that this does have to happen. If people didn't let their heads get to theses places we wouldn't have computers or light bulbs or remotes or all the neat stuff we have today.


The dishes are so piled up we have had to wash a few just to eat dinner. The laundry, I discovered that a few things that got thrown in the pile wet have gone moldy and now I am soaking them in oxy. I realize there are things that must be done to function properly. Booooo.

However, I am thrilled to have so many orders, I am always amazed that people love and buy and order my work, but at the same time I cannot let it consume me.
I really get weird thoughts and forget how the rest of the world functions.

Now back to my world.
I took a break from painting this afternoon, took the kids to the park with picnic, hit a playground, the art supply store then Tim Horton's drive through for an Ice Capp.

Anyway, I just wanted to try and get my brain cleared somehow, though I am just not good at it and somehow I feel like there is so much still going on in there but this is not the time to explore that!
I have a child looking for his shoes and another wanting to go outside with only underwear on.

I am outta...offa here!

Love and peace dudes and dudetts!


bethany actually said...

So...exactly how much coffee have you been drinking lately? ;-) And can I have some of whatever you've been drinking!?

That comment was a collaboration between me and Brenda, who is sitting at my kitchen table, painting! She says, she relates to what you are saying, totally! I don't relate so much, but I do love you and think you are awesome.

Mrs. Wilson said...

You totally write like a true artist! I really enjoyed this post - as erratic as it is :)

Have a great weekend!

ispeakbeanish said...

You made total sense to me! I know I went through a period of time where I felt like I had to choose between adopting a more practical mindset to life and being more (I hate to use the word artsy since it seems cliche, but don't know a better one) artsy/creative. It was the choosing between the difficulties that that creative eccentricity can bring and the devoting more of my energy and brain power to practical things that I vacillated between for nearly a year. In the end, the practical side won out. As I've gotten older, I'm slowly finding ways that the creative side of me can come out more and more. Life is always a balancing act isn't it.

Kami's Khlopchyk said...

Honestly, people like me who barely use the right sides of their brain are so utterly and completely jealous of your ability to create and to let the boring chores sit while you do more important things. You keep things into perspective for me.

When you die, no one will care about how clean your house was...but what they will talk about is the amazing mother you are and the beautiful art you created! Keep at it Anna.

Kori said...

I have been known to throw moldy clothes from the bottom of the pile away-and we ALWAYS have to wash dishes before we can eat a meal. And I have no excuse, like you do. I adore you.

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