Boggly beady fun

On a lighter note...snap together beading!

The fun never ends and the possibilities are endless!

The balls to attend and the galas that await....(sigh)

That is if you can get past the initial smell after opening the jar. The scent of fresh rubber or plastic....whatever it is, though it does wear off quickly.

And then the creating begins.

So colorful and the shapes, tantalizing!

We all were drawn right in making necklaces, bracelets, crowns and rings.

And of course they make great fake gravel for Ethan to load into his semi trailers and tractors.

I only wish I had bought a few more jars.

I would give them to everyone I know!

I don't know if they still have them at Costco, I got them there a few months ago for $8 and then over Christmas I saw them in a kids toy store for $40.

If you see them cheap snap (ha, ha) them up!

I am off to the beady ball, tootles!

Reflecting and contemplating...and a load of questions

This post was meant to be a tribute post. But it evolved. I spill some of my guts so be warned this is a heavy one.

I have actually been putting off publishing it for ten days, here goes. I edited it a little but it is still really muddled.

Dave's Grandma passed away over the holidays and we went out to AB for the funeral. Hearing the stories of her life made me think about my life and hope that only someday I can be as outgoing and loving and accepting and supportive as she.

She was truly an amazing woman.

She lived a full life to the age of 90 and was so strong. She was always up to something and her practical jokes were loved by all. But then her resolve to always go on no matter what the circumstance has left me reflecting on life.

 What is the meaning of life?

Should we even ask this?

Is there a defined meaning?

Why do some give up?

Is there a different meaning for every person? Or does it change with the stages of life?

Or is there one meaning for all people?

What are we to strive for?

How are we really to live?

 I am a people watcher and am fascinated and puzzled all at the same time by all the different things I see.

I learned this in psychology class and it has always stuck with me and has often made me sit back and just reflect and watch.

Who really has it all together?

Does anyone or are we just good actors?

Is the answer to be a good person, help others and not harm the environment too much?

Or is the meaning of life to serve and glorify God?

According to a few books that is the most common answer.

This would put a religious spin on the whole thing and depend on how you view God.

You might write me off as a religious freak now but I want to get this out. If you don't come back again I understand but this is a part of who I am.

I grew up in a Christian home and this is something that I think about in cycles.

If the meaning to life is to glorify and serve God then I know we all fail but we can always strive.

On that note here is what I struggle with.

My religious struggle.

I see these "meeting" and church people who are so happy. They seem to have a great marriage, lots of friends who believe the same as them, nice homes and jobs. They travel with the same groups of friends to conferences and out for fun. I see this in church after church and often wonder why I have never felt like I fit into a group like this. I have always felt like the rebel and had to fake my way around them. I would say nice things and pretend I was like them while inside I was saying "if they only knew the real me, they wouldn't even look my way let alone say hi."

But...there is always a but....I can see it in some of their eyes. Things are not all that they make them out to be.  Some are fakers too or really struggle to fit in. There are cracks in the marriage, little bickers that are destroying bit by bit. Resentment building and gnawing. Condescending tones from a husband, unloving words from a wife.  Children with problems or work issues. Too much legalism and not enough love and grace.  Teens who struggle with grey areas and where to draw the line and then how to balance life and church and school.

Whether it is over secret indulgent temptations or an empty void inside, there is something just not quite right.

Sometimes for no reason at all. They feel like everything is in place but still, something is missing.

However it is never discussed. We try to sweep it under the carpet and pretend and go on as if everything is rosy. We show up at church with a smile and say that everything is fine. Inside we are dying just a little every time we speak. We lie to cover and hope it just goes away.  We try to pray or study it away and hope that time fixes it. No one needs to know....we shouldn't have this problem anyway. Our faith should be stronger right?

Ha!

What about living in an imperfect world and being sinful creatures?

What about the Bible talking about us living in a sad troubled world and us not having true joy until heaven?

Why do we strive so hard to get it now?

Is living in a bubble pleasing God or is it being real and raw that pleases Him?

When I see these people who seem to have it all together, the great relationships, both with God and people I am envious but at the same time feel as though they have lost touch with the real world.  They say that looking to Christ is all that matters, everything will fall into place. OK.

Can they really have a testimony to people who struggle with addictions, relationships, doubt, fears and pain?

How can they when they have elevated themselves so high and created such a prefect little bubble for themselves?

What if the bubble burst? What if reality crashed in on them....then what? Or does it ever crash in?

What about balance?

What if their church and family split up and they ended up on the outside? The side where no one calls to say 'hi' and if they do it is with an air of accusation and judgment and a sad 'I feel sorry for you' tone.

Something similar t this happened in my family, some still struggle with the feelings of being shunned and cast out. However once on the outside I found that I felt released. Like a huge burden was lifted. No more being fake, I could pursue a relationship with God on a much clearer level, a realistic level. No more human judgment, no more legalism, just grace and love.

I felt closer and more authentic, more raw and grounded.

In the last 8 years I have been to more churches than I can count. All have good and bad and that is fine, there is no perfect place. What I learned though is that we all struggle, some openly some secretly. The churches I went to where people were open about their struggles, whether with marriage, porn, adultery, lying, cheating, drinking, coveting, or a multitude of other issues there was real growth.  Always adding members, huge outreaches and charity work.  You could feel the spirit move and it was so powerful.  People were raw, they could connect on a personal level with each other and anyone else in the world. They never stood on podiums but were really street level. Normal people. 

I learned so much. I learned that legalism holds back. Wearing dresses and hats to church is pretty. It doesn't win souls.

Learning the scripture and being full of Biblical knowledge doesn't mean you know how to apply it in a daily practical manner.  

Now at this stage in my life I sit with friends in all walks and religions.  I am comfortable, I sit for drinks (well before being prego) around a fire and don't feel fake.  I share life, gaze at the stars in wonder and amazement of Gods creation. I have no bubble. I feel free.

However I long for a church where we live now that would be as comfortable.  I miss breaking bread weekly and this makes me want to go back to 'meeting'.  However I do not believe that I should be asking someone if I can.  That is between me and the Lord on a weekly basis.

And then the cloak of legalism and traditionalism is heavy.

For this reason I lean towards open brethren.

But then I miss the weekly practical growth of the church we moved away from.  I know though that what we need is to find a place where we are happy with the basic teachings and take our kids there. We have prayed and prayed and maybe it is that we are just such big failures in the Christian faith department that we are blind but we haven't felt led anywhere.

Maybe my thought process is all wrong and the answer is in that bubble!

The meaning of life.

It is such a huge question, I don't even know why I brought it up now.

But sometimes it just feels like I am forever in a hole.  Digging and searching. Never settled.  Is there really that happy place I think exists? Are the bubbles real?  What if I lived in one?

What then?

I think I once had a taste of a bubble. I was in my late teens and dating a 'meeting' guy. I read my Bible all the time and felt like I was in the Lords will, relying on Him for every moment. It was superficial and it was sweet, like floating above the chaos of the world. Kinda like being high on love or something. People I worked with said I was weird, out of touch and a freak. I soaked it up.

Then it popped.

I am so glad! 

What kind of testimony is that. I couldn't connect with them, I might have felt dirty. Now I am one of them with a story.

Having the bubble burst exposed me to a life filled with far more pain and sorrow but I feel truly closer to the Lord.  In a nitty gritty kind of way.

I don't think I want that bubble again.....it really makes heaven sweeter in my mind. Way sweeter!

In all this I don't know that I have found the meaning of life but it took me on a journey anyway.

 

Food for thought.

Hello without saying anything

I have started about a million posts in my head over the past few weeks. I must be on the rebound. For a while there (Nov and Dec) I didn't even think about it, didn't miss it and felt like the break was great. Now I miss it, miss you! Then again having a little more energy helps too!

So about those posts.

There are a few sitting on my draft page. None are completed and some of my thoughts are all over the place. Contemplative, some venting and some reflective. 

They all have their place in my mumbled thoughts but will take a little time to edit so I will get them out one at a time. 

Ever have a post that turns into three?

They are like that.

So rather than make this post about anything substantial it will be a bit of a nothing post to just say "Hi!" I am back!

For a brief rundown of the past few weeks. 

It has snowed.

A lot.  

I won't be making a call there anytime soon.

Oh, and the cold. It has been cold and slippery.

However the few nice days have been good ones and we have managed to take full advantage.

By 'we' I mean Dave. 

And then there was the trip. I have a post dedicated to that as well. 

OK, I have a lot of posts on the go.

I am off to edit and hopefully start getting one out every day again.

Happy new year all!

Where there any resolutions?

I always think this is a rather hokey reason to make a resolution but I do it too. 

I resolved to get my butt to the gym and get more organized. I think this is my 5th year at least with the same resolution. The only thing that changes is the reason behind the resolution.

If any of you made resolutions I wish you the best, I have yet to start mine but am starting to plan them. I know, lame, but it is a start for me.

Now really, I am off to work on my real posts!

The morning after...

Twas the morning after Christmas and all through the house all the creatures were stirring, well except for a mouse.

The gifts were strewn in piles on the floor while daddy tiptoed and went out the door.

Ski-dooing was all the guys had in mind, while the rest of us settled to play and to craft.

...

....

OK, that is the extent of my rhyming today, I am off to chill and soak up the post Christmas lull.

I hope you all had a great Christmas!

Counting down to Christmas

I just realized that all my photos loaded in reverse order. I guess that when a person is gone for a month things can change...or I just forgot how things worked around here.

I guess I'll just blabber backwards since everything is out of whack.

We are in the deep freeze here. It has been between -30 to -50 here the last few days (with windchill) and this has made for some cooped up days. 

Dave has been out braving it daily with layers and big boots. He now has to start his truck every few hours since a  few night ago he went out to plug it in and the block heater cord broke off in his hand. It is just so cold.

Stuck indoors I was finally able to get dishes sorta caught up, the dining room table cleared off and the living room tidied and vacuumed. Or course having all my Christmas packages finally packaged up and shipped might have helped.

This has all been part of the reasons that I haven't blogged in a month. First I have been tired. I am feeling way better this trimester than the first. However this also means that I have been trying to play catch up from having three months off in the doing stuff department.

I still tire easily but am doing way better. At night though I am still crashing early. For the most part falling asleep with the kids. TV shows have not been watched, (the PVR...DVR to Americans is packed with over 80 hrs of stuff to watch someday) and blogging has been the other thing that falls into that after the kids are asleep time frame.

So are you wondering what we have been up to this past month?

We planned on doing a completely home made Christmas. I had all these great ideas and started creating. However after a few weeks of little progress we caved and threw a few gift cards into the Christmas packages. 

Here is a little glimpse of a few of the things we made. 

These two ornaments are safe to share....I hope. They are for people who do not read the blog. For all of you that do, well, this is why I won't be blogging any of your gifts until after Christmas.

Can you guess who they are for...a bird lover and a biker.....those are my only hints.

Here is the first ornament in progress. This is the pre-bake clay stage. After being baked to harden I painted and then varnished them.

Now I see that all the other home made gifts are not below this so when we get to them I'll fill you in on them. 

A few nights ago we went to see Franklin on stage. (Thank you auntie TT)

Kaitlyn was so excited and wore her Turtle costume and Franklin backpack. Once in the lobby quite a few kids ran up to her exclaiming, "Are you Franklin?"

She ended up enjoying the show while Ethan slept on my lap. The noise and business of a full theatre was too much for him.

Crafting with daddy has been a popular pass time. When I am too pooped and plopped on the couch the kids get busy bringing things to Dave.

And the rocket girl was born.

Back to crafting. These were supposed to be revealed way after the photos of my new sewing machine and that whole story but with everything uploading wrong we won't get to those for a bit. So.... I have a new machine. An early Christmas gift from Dave and I was way too excited to wait. Well actually since we were planning a home made Christmas I kinda needed it so when the big sale was on at Sears he took me down to pick one out.

To practice stitches I whipped up a few owls for the kids.

And she felt the lumpy love I packed inside.

What I was practicing for was all this. I had great and grand plans of making everyone funky aprons and matching tote bags with neat little birds, flowers and grocery items stitched on for fun. Well...since I am blogging about it you can guess it just didn't happen. I sure wish it could have though....maybe birthdays or the etsy shop eventually.

I just couldn't do it. I tried here and there but life and kids and the house just didn't permit it happening. So my dear family, if you wonder why your gifts are small......I am sorry. 

There were other things made instead that had the kids very involved. Only a tiniest glimpsy hint of that.....no spoiling here!

Oh....and the projects! Pre Christmas painting orders. This also cut into the home made gift making but it felt so good to get caught up on orders!

A stolen visit with Grandma was thrown in for fun. We love that she can sneak here on business and take time to see us.

There is just no better place to cat nap.

Ah, ha, here is the new machine! I am so happy with it! The things it can do...110 options! It nearly threads itself and well, it is just amazing! I cannot even imagine how amazing those machines are that cost twice the price but to me this is beyond perfect!

Here are a few more practice owls. These were a bonus gift to a client who was more than patient with me and amazing to work with.

Little gifts made by the kids while I worked on my painting projects.

Above is how Kaitlyn draws people. those are legs coming down from the mouth and arms growing out the sides. It almost makes me cry to see her little personality come out in her art work.

The Christmas village was set up with a lot of help from little hands. After a few nights of the kids getting up on chairs to play I went over to see what they had been up to. I couldn't find any of the little carolers or Santa or the postman....no little people. 

Then I realized that a few of the little houses were sitting on rather odd angles and tipped one up to see why. Out poured the people. They were all at home for the night.

A few weeks ago I decided I set up a mini studio in the living room and try to get a few photos of the kids. I was hoping to enlarge a few and include them as Christmas gifts to family. 

Another big sorry. 

They just didn't go as planned and it was way to late to book an appointment at the studio.

I think that after Christmas we will try to get a Photographer friend out to the lake with us for a photo day. Photos will come, just late.

The best shot I got and it was the one that was blurry. As long as I only print it smaller than 3x5 it should be fine ;)

The bump.

Snow days at the lake.

We have so much fun out there but I still worry about moving there. We plan to sell in the city this coming spring....and move after the the baby due date. Getting house plans together and submitting it all for permits is where we are at. It all makes me so nervous. I get afraid that we will sell here, move to the cottage and then watch the house take 5 years to be built. 

Ok, enough of that. It makes my stomach get all tight.

Ah, deep breath, the tree. I feel better now.

Another order shipped. 

"Ssssccchheeeese!"

Another order...picked up.

Thank you all for the great business this year! I have been steadily busy all year and cannot complain.  I hope that once we have a proper studio operating in our new house I will be able to get even more done. Thanks again everyone!

vacuuming...isn't this how it happens at your house?

Out after a fresh dump of snow.

One of 5 visits to see Santa. This girl gets so excited to see him. After one visit we got home and Dave started a fire in the fireplace. Kaitlyn looked worried and exclaimed, "b-but, Santa might get burned!"

We explained that it was ok, we wouldn't have a fire on Christmas eve.

Then she was worried about "Mrs. Santa''. Dave asked her why. She said it was because "Mrs. Santa lives in the chimney!"

A little more explaining happened.

On the next visit to Santa she was quite eager to inform Santa that it was ok, he wouldn't get burned at our house. 

And Ethan! He is talking more all the time. Though only bit by bit. His most common words are, "I want that. Don't do that. Mine!"

When a tree falls in...my little brother Paul's yard... does the whole neighborhood hear it?

Well we heard it anyway. 

I guess that is a taste of what we have been up to. I couldn't blog it all and there is so much more...the crafts!

I will get them up on my craft blog. We made cards and ornaments and a Christmas count down calendar (I can't remember what that is called), kool-aid playdough and baked candy cane shaped cookies.

I really just wanted to get one here and say 'Hi!'

I have missed you all more than you know and wish I could keep up with you but I know soon when things slow down I will get caught up.

I hope you all have a great Christmas!

xoxo