I came to the realization the other day that I have been sounding like a broken record for a while now. How you guys hang in here with me and encourage to no end and keep telling me to hang in is well, amazing!
I have been whining that I am overwhelmed and cannot seem to get my life organized for well, ever! Seriously! I was reading through my archives and although it was really fun (I totally encourage you to do the same if you are insanely board one day) I also realized that I was whining about the same junk I whine about now.
It is not like I am depressed, I have been having great days. I get overwhelmed as usual but that is minor. My issue lately is that I feel like my brain is rotting, I am antsy!
I read tweets and status updates on facebook and some of you are so witty and brainy. You have all these great philosophical ideas and deep thoughts. My brain starts to spin and I get a hunger to hunker down over a good deeply intense make you think and question every little aspect of life kind of book.
I hate getting in ruts. I like to keep an open and growing mind. I hate it when I feel like I am without noticing it getting stuck in a proverbial box. I like to live out of the box, I enjoy questioning everything, researching and then believing or not believing. Sometimes I forget though and then feel like a lemming. I hate that. Always have. As I kerplunk and splat over the edge. I have to get up, dust off and step out of line again.
Then I feel like I need to go back to school, take a poetry class, learn new words, visit old friends, explore new artistic ideas, learn how to break dance, or join a debate group.
I miss debating. When I was in high school I used to hang out in coffee shops with friends and debate politics, social issues, religion and anything else that came to mind. We would sit for hours sharing and arguing and drink way too much coffee. I look back and laugh now when I think of some of the things we discussed, we had such little life experience and yet such grand ideas.
Now I find myself debating with myself and Dave. Our decisions now centre around us, not the world. Renovating, moving to the lake, money and kid stuff. Life stuff. Funny how things change.
On the topic of kid stuff. After a lot of thought I have come to decide I want to home school for the first year and the curriculum debate is on.
Dave is giving me this year to prove whether we can do it or not.
There are so many choices. For those of you familiar with pre-school curricula we have looked at Sonlight, Before 5 in a row, Come sit by me, and Horizon. So far I am leaning towards Horizon. The other three really focus on reading to your child and we do that already. Horizon has workbooks, really fun colorful ones, music and videos....the workbooks are what have Kaitlyn all excited. She loves workbooks....little nut! I am all ears if any of you have experience with any of these or have any other ideas. I would love to know what you love or hate!
Anyway, back to my brain funk. Sometimes I wish I could be a lemming. Seems like everything would be easier. Just do and say as society or church dictates. Do what is expected, don't buck any system. Don't shock or do the unexpected, keep everyone happy. Hurumpf!
I am just not like that, it would eat me up inside, I am a system bucker. My poor parents! I do hold back a lot for their sake though. I really do. I love them. I cannot buck as hard out loud as I do in my head.
I question everything though and then question why I am questioning and on and on.
I wonder why?
I wish I had something profound and brainy to share but I don't. I am starting to sound like that broken record again. Time to tune out! I don't know where this post was going or how to end it. It is kinda awkward and jumbled like my thoughts tonight.
So night all and thank you!